Do you ever question your parenting?

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Do you ever feel guilty as a mom and start questioning yourself? Am I doing enough? Spoiling them? Am I spending enough time with them?

Well, you’re not alone! I use to do this all the time, feel shitty about my parenting and just be an overbearing parent or buy their love with gifts. But a couple of months ago I decided to tackle it another way. I first started by taking care of my well being and my emotional state of mind so they can have a better mom. I then asked them what they needed of me, because yes, I know they need to be fed, clean clothes and reminded to take a bath (several times a week!) but what did they WANT from me.

My son stated he liked movie night but also wanted to watch movies/shows that were not appropriate for his 6 year old sister but appropriate for a 12 yr old. He also said he wanted to work out with his dad like they used to, and to go grocery shopping with me and pick out spices for a meal he would like to cook for us on the weekends (he would like to have a restaurant when he’s older).

My daughter on the other hand, gave me a LONG list that I had to ask her to drop it to 3 things that truly were special for her. She said, do our nails, paint a picture and go shopping, just her and I.

We are starting this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited! We agreed to have more open conversations about what we need from each other, and I was thrilled to see my daughter a few days later TALK (not scream or cry) to her brother and ask if he could play with her for 5 minutes.

I will talk more about this in next weeks podcast but I wanted to let you all know, as I was excited on how open dialogue was helping our family.

 

 

 

Back to school chaos..

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The struggle is real for this mama! Having my oldest start middle school and my youngest first grade has been an emotional roller coaster for ME! They’re both smart, good kids and I know they will be okay, but this is the first year they’re in separate schools and my anxiety was seriously crazy.  It doesn’t help that their schedules are all over the place that now it has re-arranged my work schedule.

I really don’t mind that part because I enjoy and I’m extremely grateful to have the opportunity to drop them off and pick them up. But the first week is over and I think I did a pretty good job in not forgetting a kid. Don’t judge me, but last year I picked up my daughter 30 min late on HER FIRST DAY of kindergarten in a NEW school! I felt horrible and she had every right to guilt me into a Target toy spree!

I have also been guilt tripping myself on not being consistent with the blog or podcast. I try and justify it with “well yolanda, you are working in the office and have kids at home” but I hate starting stuff and not being consistent with it.

Using my 10x planner and also google calendar has helped me tremendously! What do you guys use to keep your mom and work duties on track?

 

My humans

 

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Being a mom is hard work, but being their mom makes it all worth it. Every decision I make, I make with them in mind.  When I had my humans, my husband and I made a conscious decision to prepare them for the real world by making them independent little human beings. I’m not going to lie, it was scary to think I would be raising them to be independent and that at one point they wouldn’t need their ”mama”.

My kids slept in their own room around 3/4 months of age (around the time they had a sleeping pattern). They were potty trained around 2 1/2 years old (it was easier to train my daughter and it was hard to be at home for two weeks to properly train them) but it was well worth it! They’re not picky eaters and they’re not vegetable lovers, but we did teach them to always try new things.

We taught them how to pick their own clothes and sometimes it might not match, but if they like it, I let it be. They started to have chores around the time they were 4 years old (age appropriate chores) and have learned the value of earning a dollar. They know about taxes, go into a store and buy their own things and even to cook their own food.

Seeing them grow into good humans makes my heart so happy. The fear is still there but I also know its my responsibilty to make them productive members of society. I know I will be comfortable letting them go out into the world when the time comes.

But as they get older, I learn that they will always need us. They will need mama when they have a tummy ache, they will need papa to teach them to drive a car.

To be honest with you, I probably need them more than they need me. Even in a room full of chaos when they’re fighting with each other, they keep me sane.

Finding joy

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Since it’s summer break I have been spending A LOT of time with my kids, and one thing I have noticed about them is the joy they get for the small things.   When did we lose that as adults? My daughter wakes up to sunny skies and she’s ecstatic for the fun day she is going to have, my son gets super happy if our pet bird Sunny makes a noise that resembles a “hello”.  Why is that? Why is it that as adults we want big wins or absolutely nothing to go wrong for us to say we had a good day?

When my family and I go out for ice cream, I’m that mom that goes and gets a ton of napkins and starts hassling her kids about getting dirty BEFORE they get their cones.

Last week my husband and I took them for some ice cream and I decided to just enjoy the moment. To live in the present and not worry about the dirty clothes I would have to wash later. To find joy in the fact that all four of us were in a little ice cream shop in the bay area. Happy, healthy, and full of love. Messy faces and all.

That day I decided to redefine my joy.

Create your own beauty

Create your own beauty

Isn’t that what life is all about? This picture was taken after a photo shoot and it couldn’t have said it better myself. I never was self conscious of my weight or looks but I also knew I didn’t look like the Vogue models. So yesterdays photo shoot was not only for marketing purposes but also a celebration of myself. It was saying  “yup, this is me and loving life!”.

When I found out I was having a little girl 6 years ago, I cried my eyes out! No, seriously I did and apparently it was alarming because the nurse asked if I was depressed or if I wanted to harm the baby. I explained to them that no, I wasn’t sad that I was having a girl, the opposite, I was happy I would have my pair (my oldest is a boy).

I was crying because I was already worried about her and what society would try to mold her to. I knew I had to set the example at home, choose my words carefully and watch my every move because she would be watching.  I guess these last 6 years haven’t only been teaching lessons for her but also for me.

I see her and I see beauty differently. It’s not about looks or the clothes you wear. It’s about the joy and love you have within yourself. It’s about being perfectly imperfect.. creating your own beauty!